Communication and negotiation is not always possible in a faltering relationship, and another way around the problem is for the withdrawing partner to become more assertive and argue back. This may be difficult, and feel dangerous to the withdrawing partner. In this case my relationship advice is that it may be possible in the form of a time-limited argument on a trivial issue which gives the couple a chance to ‘agree to differ’ at the end and both withdraw after the discussion.While the withdrawing partner may still feel a bit uneasy about arguing, the attacking partner may be greatly relieved by the change, and may as a result reduce the ferocity of their criticism. This then leads to the withdrawing partner feeling less persecuted and listening more seriously to the wishes of the ‘attacker’.

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